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You’re Gonna Love It In Instant: Bond, James Bond!

April 7, 2011

Netflix might be getting assaulted on a couple fronts by haters, prognosticators of doom and the occasional tech blogger, but who can talk eventual demise with all these pre-Brosnan Bond titles available for instant viewing! Whether you’re a Connery purist, Team Dalton, Georgie’s girl or want Moore Moore Moore, there’s plenty of Bond for you. Well except I didn’t mention any Connery titles.

Moonraker – James Bond in OUTER SPACE, y’all. A sad attempt to capitalize on the success of Star Wars this deliciously and unintentionally camp romp features a brilliant title track by Shirley Bassey, Michael Lonsdale as the terminally cheeky, Branson-esque Hugo Drax and America’s answer to Charlotte Rampling – Lois Chiles – as Dr. Holly Goodhead. Oh the seventies!

License to Kill – Timothy Dalton is a fantastic Bond, but his strong performance only emphasizes the film’s numerous deficits. Everyone else – save Robert Davi – still seem to think they’re in a Roger Moore Bond film and are overacting their little hearts out. Not to suggest that Robert Davi’s ruthless drug lord Franz Sanchez isn’t a bit too over the top.Davi’s Sanchez is essentially Powers Boothe as Tony Montoya. In fact, I’ve often wondered why Powers Boothe wasn’t cast as the Columbian drug lord, loosely based on Pablo Escobar.

For You Eyes Only – I am not mad at you, Mr. Bill Conti! You done brought it. Miss Sheena, I miss you! Come back and you can even bring The Lover In Me, but only if you promise NOT TO DANCE. But back to FYEO…now that I realize the lyric is not, “Maybe I’m a lonesome goat because I know you’re mine” and is actually, “Maybe I’m an open book, because I know you’re mine.” the song makes a lot more sense. In the film I observed no goats – lonesome or otherwise. I figured it was some Britishism unfamiliar to me. And hand wringing feminists be damned – can we please get some more lyrics such as the following: The passions that collide in me/ the wild abandoned side of me. That lyric sells out the whole damn show! I can go a couple of days without dishing feminist discourse, but can’t go a day without dishing the passions that collide in me or the wild abandoned side of me! Oh yeah, the film’s pretty good too, in a 70s Roger Moore Bond sort of way.

A View to a Kill – A View to a Kill is a Bond film more memorable for its aged star – Roger Moore probably should have left the role after “Octopussy” – and the best villains (MayDay and Zorin) since Moonraker and its slamming theme song, which Duran Duran completely shut down, than its lackluster story – wait, wasn’t it about horses and a man made earthquake – or shoddy special effects. The lovely Roger Moore was completely outmatched by his villains played expertly by a very blond Christopher Walken and the glorious Grace Jones. Moore was acting as hard as he could while Walken and Jones seemed to be barely lifting an acting muscle.

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – OHMSS mirrors (the good) Casino Royale with its exploration of Bond falling in love with a dishy woman – played with aplomb by Miss Diana Rigg – and all the tragic consequences/reversals of fortune it brings. It also has some fairly decent special effects, engaging action sequences and limited amounts of stinky acting. Sure, Telly Savalas is campy as all get out, but if you want things done earnestly, you don’t hire Mr. Who Loves You, Baby. Rigg is also quite good. She definitely helps make the audience ignore the minimal flaws in her Bond co-star, who does just fine. He’s not Connery. He’s kind of a boy scout, so he’s definitely not Moore. He’s somewhere between a humorless Brosnan and a crispy Dalton, but without the acting chops of either.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. Chrissyminn permalink
    April 7, 2011 4:24 am

    KikI –Robert Davi is one of the BEST BOND VILLAINS OF ALL TIME — Tough -Sexy- Believable — are you kidding !!! the actor you suggested is so laughable — he is a terrific but all wrong– wow –all wet here and ?I usually dig your guys stuff

  2. April 7, 2011 11:43 am

    I watched the opening of For Your Eyes Only just to hear the song….even though I have the song in itunes. But it sounds better with the credits!

    • April 7, 2011 11:54 am

      Cannot tell you how many times I only make it to the end of the credits before deciding Bond is too much of an emotional investment.

  3. April 12, 2011 5:27 pm

    have you guys heard the Rupert Grint as Bond rumors? i just MIGHT have to get interested in the series now. of course it’s just rumor, he’s a little too young. But a girl can dream, right?

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