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I Need To Tell You Goodbye: The Bachelor Recap

March 1, 2011

Brad and the remaining three women arrive in South Africa to continue their group courtship. The first date goes to Chantal. “We’re eating lunch with a hippo.” “It’s really a metaphor for our relationship.” Brad misses Chantal’s family. “We’re just weeks away from something that could change our life forever.” They kiss. (Drink!)

Brad wants Chantal to meet his family. “Never in a million years has my heart been this open.” Chantal says she’ll follow through on the engagement. “I need that spontaneity badly.” Brad likes her vulnerability. He gives her the invitation to the fantasy suite. “Would you care to join me?” Yes, she would. “I want to have time off cameras.” He walks her to the treehouse of love. “Ok, this is romantic.” Night falls, a lion yawns.

Emily’s date begins with riding on elephants. “This feels like the Lion King but better.” She hopes that Brad knows meeting her daughter means she wants to be with him. “Are you ready for a five year old?” Long pause. Swallow. “Yeah.” Brad understands she’s a package deal. They kiss; strings swell and elephants honk.

Dinner begins. “I feel like I’m starting to fall in love with Brad.” He starts the conversation stammering. “I’m hard to read sometimes.” She flatly tells him how excited she is. “If, you know, I just want to do it.” Brad likes hearing that. He brings out the fantasy suite card, he very badly wants time to talk with her privately. She wants to be a good example to her daughter, but she wants time to talk with him more, so she will say yes to talking only. They retire to the suite. She tells him she’s falling in love with him. He wasn’t expecting that. He says it back. Strings swell. They hug. (Wait, they hug?) Then they kiss. Then the lights go down.

Obligatory Ashley date begins. “I miss her very badly.” (New game: drink when Brad says ‘badly’.) Ashely sees “great things happening.” Brad wants to figure it out between them. They see a helicopter and she freaks out. “It’s so small.” (That’s what she said.) He gave her the reassurance she needed.

Brad didn’t realize how big South Africa was. “It’s a big exotic land with big exotic animals.” They have a picnic. “I want a relationship with Ashley.” They toast her family. He wants her to be clear about where she wants to live. They discuss her budding career. She reminds him of himself, ten years ago. “Maybe I can help you find balance.” “Oh man, you’re making me think.” Brad has concerns to address at dinner. Pause for partial reveal of DWTS cast.

Brad wants this to work. Ashley’s wheels have been spinning. They begin processing. He is nervous she didn’t mention Austin. “I have a hard time explaining myself sometimes.” “That makes two of us.” He is freaking out and still has questions. “What I feel is chemistry and sparks and I feel like you’re looking for a wife.” They begin talking about the food. He wants more time with her, so he hands over the fantasy suite card. “There’s no doubt in my mind.” Brad hopes to get through the awkwardness. They go up to the room and continue being awkward. “I want my Ashley back.”

In the morning, gratuitous shirtless Brad gets ready for his ninth rose ceremony. He sits down with Chris. “I know that I’m falling in love.” They process the dates. “This is a really tough time to have a bad date.” They try to talk like the decision will be difficult. He stares at the altar of portraits and decides he must talk to Ashley.

The rose ceremony begins. He stammers around to asking Ashley for a minute of her time. They process more about whether he will fit into her life. He decides he won’t. “I need to tell you goodbye.” He still wants Chantal and Emily to accept the roses, so they go through the motions.

Next week, the Reunion special.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 1, 2011 7:57 am

    yeah nice

  2. March 1, 2011 9:50 am

    ”Night falls, a lion yawns.”

    love it.

  3. March 1, 2011 10:28 pm

    I enjoyed this NPR article on The Bachelor as apocalyptic sci-fi:

    http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2011/02/01/133402141/the-bachelor-is-science-fiction-a-crackpot-theory-you-can-get-behind

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