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I Was Confident In Telling Her Goodbye: The Bachelor Recap

February 15, 2011

The bachelorettes run down the Anguila beach, just like in Baywatch. Chris Harrison announces there will be three one-on-one dates with no roses and a group date, and by the end of the episode, two women will be going home.  The first date goes to Emily. “I hope today we move past everything.” They take a helicopter (drink!) to their own private island, where they will spend a whole day assessing if they want to live together forever in matrimony. “It’s just you and I, kid.” (And camera crews.) They make stilted picnic conversation about the view. “I care more for you than I should probably say right now.” They kiss. “We’ve broken new ground.” The sun and moon align.

Shawntel N. gets the second date card, disappointing Britt. (Who?)  Brad and Emily have dinner on the beach and he asks about meeting her daughter. “I am overprotective.” They discuss it getting real. Brad breaks the rules and assures her she’s getting a rose. “I fell very, very hard tonight.”

Brad and Shawntel bike to a farmer’s market, her perfect date. They skip rope and play dominos with the locals. It’s natural, but Brad wants to see what the evening will bring. At dinner they talk about family. “I don’t talk about these things with my brothers.” They kiss. (Drink!) Bankie Banx arrives with audience extras and performs for the couple. Shawntel and Brad skip out of the concert to go make out in the ocean.

Britt finally gets her date card. Michelle thinks their ship will sink. “I have to admit [she’s] behind the other women.” They get on a yacht. The other girls get jealous. “You’re gonna use the yacht for Britt?” Brad finds some cliffs for them to jump off of. She makes the leap.

Back at the house, they complain about the group date. Britt isn’t very good at showing emotion. “I don’t know if you can tell that about me.” Brad doesn’t have the urge to grab and kiss her. They go back to the yacht and have an awkward dinner. He thinks enough of her to tell her he doesn’t see a future together. Britt doesn’t want to give up so easily, but he insists on not stringing her along. “It’s time to say goodbye….uh, please watch your step.” Brit gets into a dinghy and rides off into the night.

In the middle of the night, Brad wakes up the other three for the date. “I don’t know where we’re going, but I’m scared because I look atrocious and feel disgusting.” They meet the editor for a Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoot. “Are you ready to feel sexy?” Chantal is not. Ashley looks natural. “This would look incredible without a top on.” She uses conch shells to hold herself up. Chantal goes next. “Let’s get her wet.” She goes for topless, too. Michelle is not that type of girl. “I’ve done a little modeling in my life.” She pulls Brad into her pictures. Chantal decides not to watch. Brad sees he put himself in hot water.  Ashley tells Brad she feels like the kid sister. “I don’t want you to feel disconnected.” Chantal says she still loves him. “I like to think I’m a pretty decent guy.” Brad is scared he and Michelle are almost too much alike. “I see a very strong – almost volatile – woman.” She feels 100% confident she’s supposed to be there. Chantal pulls him aside. There’s more talking. “I’m losing the women.”

“I’m on a date from hell.” Ashley thinks she’s ruined what they had because he saw a side of her. “Why do you always think something’s wrong?” She gets the rose. Chantal and Michelle are pissed. Brad wants to talk. More tears. (Drink!)

The sun sets and now it’s that time in the season for Brad to gaze with furrowed brows at pictures of the women and consulting with Chris Harrison. He asks to skip the cocktail party and go right to the goodbye-ing, he’s very clear about his decision. Shawntel is more nervous than she’s ever been. Michelle really wanted to pull him back into her. “I hope he hasn’t forgotten about it.” Tears fall. Chantal feels like she’s going home.

Brad starts off by fulfilling his promise rose to Emily. Then Shawntel N. gets hers, leaving Chantal sweating, but Michelle finally gets the boot. Brad asks if he can take her hand while walking her out. “Um, probably not.”

Next week, Brad visits a Chico funeral home!

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