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The Bachelor, Week Four: “He Is Mine”

January 25, 2011

[Recaps of the Season Premiere, Week Two, and Week Three]

Michelle wakes up with a mysterious black eye.  “I am gonna have Brad kiss my eye and it will make it better.” “I wish I was the one who gave Michelle her black eye.” Chantal O. gets the first one-on-one day and they are shuttled away in a heliocopter to Catalina Island.  She married her high school sweetheart and hasn’t dated much since the divorce, so she’s concerned about blowing it with Brad.  He tells her they will be donning wetsuits and walking along the ocean floor – unfortunately, she is terrified of the sea.  They put on giant space helmets and make it happen.  “Because he’s worth it.”  She’s in this to find a husband and Brad is that person.  The group date is announced, and Michelle threatens Brad with his own black eye if she doesn’t get a date.

Brad and Chantal lay down on a bed on the beach and discuss her previous marriage.  “It’s all about the right person.”  It’s raining at the mansion and Michelle is crying about beating herself up in the middle of the night and feeling threatened by Chantal.  Chantal apologizes to Brad for slapping him.  “You’re actually a girl I could see a very real relationship with.” The rain arrives.  “I want to continue this badly.” “Will you please quit talking and kiss me?”

The group of nine women pile into a stretch Hummer and meet Brad at the Loveline studio with Dr. Drew.  “I’m hoping to create an environment that these women can really open up to me.”  Brad is excited to have the women scrutinized about being here for the right reasons. (Drink!)  Dr. Drew asks who has cheated.  Everyone scrutinizes who will raise their hand first.  Stacey admitted she cheated in college while drunk.  They talk about walls.  “Give me the chance to make some time with you.”  Brad loves the guts-spilling.  “I’ve never had these women more engaged in me than before now.”  They all retire to a house party to digest.  Ashley H. has some feelings erupting. “Once you’ve had a one-on-one, everything changes.” Then the string of conversations and interruptions begin.

Michelle finally gets her one-on-one date invitation, but she has concerns that the word “love” isn’t on the card.

Brad is not only a hugger, he’s a kisser.  Britt confesses she has a crush and they start smooching.  Ashley H. interrupts to process her feelings.  “What do you mean ‘whatever’, what are you doing?”  More sexy comforting. Then an awkward hot tub rose giving moment where Ashley H. blows it, so he spontaneously switches it up and gives it to Britt.

Michelle is sick and tired of hearing about Ashley all morning when it’s her day. Brad asks for a moment with Ashley before the date, which pisses Michelle off. They process their caring. Michelle complains about her issues and Chantal O. calls her out as a hypocrite for creating a scene earlier on a group date.

Brad and Michelle drive to his place, then get picked up by another helicopter.  They land on a skyscraper, where they will repel down the building to get to dinner. “I’m freaking out.”  They talk each other down while a knockoff of the Superman love theme plays, then kiss halfway down.  “An overwhelming bonding experience.” (Will they terror-bond like Jake and Vienna now?!) “You’re a mature woman.” They talk about meeting her daughter Brielle. Brad says he would walk away again if it wasn’t right.  The other women in the house discuss Michelle’s twitchiness. “I’m gonna let her dig her own grave.”  Brad gives her the rose. “Please kiss me.”

Brad’s therapist arrives for a session – on camera. “On dates you kiss women, of course.”  Chantal and Britt are relieved to have roses already.  Shawntel invents a “1-2-3 thing” for them.  Meghan talks walls.  Emily receives a gift basket from Brad, which ego checks the rest of the bachelorettes.  Michelle says “if I didn’t have such an amazing date with him, I’d be worried.”  Brad re-creates the first date in the vineyard with Emily.  “It’s important that you know you’ve been on my mind.”  Chantal is talking about the rest of her life.  “It’s hard to be reminded that he has special things with other people.”  So she interrupts Brad to discuss emotional instability in the house.  “You’re damn right I’m man enough to get there.”

The rose ceremony begins with some speechifying.  Ashley H. gets humbled by receiving the last one and Lindsay, Meghan, and Stacey are sent home.  Next week: Vegas!

8 Comments leave one →
  1. January 25, 2011 6:28 pm

    They were all lying when they didn’t raise their hand for cheating, and they let Stacey hang there solo. Ice cold.

  2. hsofia permalink
    January 25, 2011 7:52 pm

    I’m still trippin out about the woman giving HERSELF a black eye in the night?!

    • January 25, 2011 9:07 pm

      Could it have happened while puking? It almost looked like a busted blood vessel on the lower eyelid.

  3. January 25, 2011 9:28 pm

    Stockholm Syndrome!

    It always freaks me out on these shows when a guy who is dating 12 women at the same time gets hung up on cheating and fidelity. Really? You want to talk about loyalty and being true to one person? REALLY?

    • hsofia permalink
      January 25, 2011 9:34 pm

      Maybe he should revise his questions to something like, “If we get married, and then you suddenly find yourself on an island/airplane/conference room with 11 other women and one man with a Barbie’s Ken hair-do, will you stay faithful to me or will you fling yourself with desperate abandon at him?”

    • January 25, 2011 11:20 pm

      I watch these shows to learn about “traditional heterosexuality”, but they’re all practicing polyamory (badly).

      • hsofia permalink
        January 25, 2011 11:31 pm

        If they wanted it to resemble traditional heterosexuality more, what they should do is have 12 women of varying degrees of social desirability and 10 men of varying degrees of social desirability and make the prize go to the person who doesn’t break down and have desperate sex with someone beneath them.

  4. January 26, 2011 10:28 am

    If they wanted it to resemble traditional heterosexuality more, what they should do is have 12 women of varying degrees of social desirability and 10 men of varying degrees of social desirability and make the prize go to the person who doesn’t break down and have desperate sex with someone beneath them.


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